I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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