Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
