I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
