i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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