Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
