She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
