What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
