Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
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