I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
