omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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