she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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