What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
