Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
