thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
