She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
