I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Randomize
