you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
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