OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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