and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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