so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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