I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
