i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
