There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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