I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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