apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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