there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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