Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He better not be in your backpack
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
