I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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