New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
