Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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