the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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