Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
