you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Randomize
