I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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