look no pants
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
