if you like me you must not know who I am
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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