And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
