they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
