I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
