He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
