Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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