Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
