I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
