I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
