What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
