Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
