garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
