Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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