yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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