my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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