would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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