Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
