i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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