in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
