Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
