If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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