and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
