At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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